Three's A Crowd

Thelma-belle writes:

About 4 years ago my partners and i went on holiday together; whilst we were on holiday we hooked up with a girlfriend of his and we had a threesome. Few weeks ago we all ended up in the same place again; I had no idea she was gonna be there and she had no idea i was there; do you think my partner could have arranged this behind my back?

Yin's Answer

Threesomes are nothing but trouble in my opinion. I can't tell you the amount of times I've heard from couples who have acted out their fantasies by introducing someone else into the bedroom only to find it's actually their worst nightmare.

I'm not saying group sex is something we should all avoid but only the most secure couples really enjoy it. As what seems to have happened in your case- a threesome can emphasise insecurity and bring about trust issues.

If you are questioning the motives of your partner and feel he may have gone behind your back then that says to me that you don't trust him. The best way to deal with this is to face it head on and ask him whether he did plan this reunion. If he says he didn't then you have no choice but to believe him.

I suggest that you tell him you are concerned about the implications of a threesome and discuss it more carefully before you invite someone else into you bed again. If experimenting with sex is ever going to be enjoyable it's vital that you are both open and honest with eachother.

Yang's Answer

Yes he could have arranged it behind your back or perhaps it was just a coincidence. There's only one way to find out and that is to ask him. However the chances are even if he says he didn't you will never really no for sure if you can't trust him.

You need to ask yourselve how you would feel if he had planned it? You might actually think it's quite hot that he arranged it secretly. However on the other hand you may feel betrayed and tricked into it.

If it's the first then what are you worrying about. Just enjoy this new sexual exploration. But if it's the latter then I would suggest you wern't ready to get involved in group sex in the first place. As Yin says, it's all about trust. You have to be able to be completely open about your feeling and totally secure in your relationship if you want to enjoy a complication-free threesome.

I think you should confront your partner about what happened and ask him if it was planned. And if you feel you want to carry on down the threesome line in future make sure you really are prepared for how it will make you feel.