Is My Affair Real Love?

Liz writes:

I am currently involved in an affair with my husband's best friend. He is married too and has been for a number of years but gets no sex or even affection from his wife at all. We think we are in love but also don't want to leave our current wife/husband as our lives are too settled. What should we do?

Yin's Answer

Quite plainly- it's time to make a decision. Although you may both be happy in your affair you have to also consider the other people this affects. It's not fair to keep your families in the dark about what is going on.

You say you think you are in love but you don't want to leave your current partner- but I'm afraid you can't have it both ways. An affair can totally destroy a family so you need to think very carefully before you leave it all behind. Having said that you can't help who you fall in love so if it is the real thing then you can't just stay with your current partner just for the sake of keeping the peace.

I say you should try and spend sometime away from both of these men and work out what you want. It's a massive decision so be honest with yourself.

Yang's Answer

Stop being so selfish! It seems to me like you want it both ways but I'm sorry it's time to wake up and take responsibility for what you are doing.

Yin's right- we can't help who we fall in love with-but we can make it easier for those we hurt along the way by not stringing them along. You need to decide if it's just the excitement of an affair that you enjoy or whether you are genuinely in love with this man.

You also need to be sure that you know how he feels too. He could simply be filling his boots with extra marital fun and -like most cheats- have no intention of ever leaving his wife.

I think you have a lot to think about before you make any decisions but don't forget while you are doing you're thinking you are also deceiving your husband so sort your head out quick.

If you do decide that your husband isn't the man for you then you need to be honest and tell him as soon as you can- because it will be a whole lot worse if he finds out for himself.