5 months ago 19th Apr 16:19
Engagements and marriages are great and joyous events for the Roma, signifying the extension and continuation of the family. For this reason, they are accompanied by great celebrations. Marriage signifies a change in position of the married couple in Roma society as full and productive members of the community. All Roma are expected to marry. The customs and rituals for engagements and marriages described here are traditional and vary for the many Roma tribes around the world.
Engagements
In spite of myths of Roma immorality, most Roma follow strict rules of sexual behavior. He or she is expected to marry someone within their particular tribe and most Roma conform by marrying within their group. Even with respect to other Roma, permissible marriage choices may be restricted. This is a way of maintaining tribal and social purity. If a Roma male marries a gadji, his community may eventually accept her, provided that she adopts the Romani way of life. But it is a worse violation of the marimé code for a Roma female to marry a gadjo, because Roma women are the guarantors for the survival of the population. In the case of a mixed marriage, many tribes consider the children Roma only if the father is Roma. Roma expect females to be virgins when they marry and to remain faithful to their husbands until death. The potential for defilement is greatly heightened at marriage because Roma perceive it as the end of a woman's innocence. Traditionally, marriages for Roma have occurred early, after age nine but usually before age fourteen. Gajikane influence has undermined this tradition in many countries.
The first step in contemplating marriage is the selection of the bride. In many parts of the world, this is done just as it would be done in non-Roma society. The boy does the courting, and when the young couple agree to marry they become engaged and exchange modest gifts. Parents are consulted, but the decision is made by the young people.
Many Roma tribes still maintain the institution of bride price. This is a payment made by the family of the groom to the family of the bride. It compensates them for the loss of a daughter and guarantees that she will be treated well.
For many Roma tribes it is the parents, and not the young people, who arrange the marriage. The prospective bride and groom might be consulted, but their opinions are rarely considered in making a final decision. According to these tribes, it is an essential and important duty of the parents to find a bride suitable for their son. They carefully consider all the young, unmarried women in the group, evaluating their individual qualities.
Because of integration into non-Roma societies, many young couples have opposed arranged engagements and marriages and have eloped. Elopement consists simply of the couple leaving together for a period of time. When they return they are chastised and sometimes pay a nominal fine. They usually are accepted as a married couple in time.
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